Big Sister, Little Sister

I don't even know where or how to start, so here goes...

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with a little girl to be named Ava Leigh. I'm excited, scared, and a whole bunch of things all at once. This pregnancy has seemed to go faster and go slower at the same time. Faster in the sense that things seems to happen quicker this time around, or perhaps my previous experience helps me understand what stage the pregnancy is at sooner than my first time around. Slower in the sense that I'm just so anxious, so impatient, so ready to begin adapting to having a baby and a preschooler. I'm anxious for you to be a big sister, for the "teaching" of having a baby around to begin, to hold Ava and to meet her. I'm so anxious for her to get out of the newborn stage, to start interacting, so that you have that experience of bonding with her. I'm anxious for all these things and she's not even born yet.

You are excited to be a big sister and you have really taken up the task to "help" me with dishes, with laundry, etc. That mainly consists of rinsing the dishes and putting them in the drainboard and helping load/unload the washer and dryer. You also spend time taking care of your baby dolls and I plan on sitting down with you really, really soon (we're getting so close to the due date, it's getting down to the wire) to really show you what I have to do with the baby and how much time it actually takes. I know that will be the toughest part for you, not having my full attention anymore. "Patience, patience, patience" is constantly coming out of my mouth.

I've also had anxiety and worry with this pregnancy. I've worried when I was pregnant with you; I"m a worrier, that's what I do. But this time around, I'm 30. Yeah, I know...growing old gracefully...but that doesn't matter when 30 becomes this magic number for a lot of doctors when dealing with fertility issues. After turning 30, I realized how much closer that puts me to the recommended age to have annual mammograms, to the recommendations of taking calcium supplements, and so on. The same goes for pregnancy, although the age worries seem focused on the mid-30s range and up from there. Also, this pregnancy, Ava had a choroid plexus cyst in the first ultrasound, but it disappeared by the second ultrasound. Of course, when you find out this type of cyst is in the brain and that it's blocked cerebral-spinal fluid, it sounds a lot worse than what it really is. Also at the second ultrasound (36 weeks, so last week), Ava was still in breech position with her head near my right ribs. This introduces the prospect of a C-section, of major surgery with a longer recovery time than normal childbirth. So, yeah...more worry this time around.


You started Headstart in February, right before your 4th birthday. This is the first year they've had a Headstart program here, so we didn't know about it at first. I would have loved for you to have gotten in earlier. You absolutely love school. You can't wait to go and are sad when you have to leave. Your first day, you had no trouble saying good-bye to me and your daddy; but you cried when we came back to pick you up because you didn't want to leave school. I'm so glad you like school so much and wish you could keep that enthusiasm, but I know that's not meant to be. That would be too easy. Ha!